Walk away
by Lisey
Summary: Abby angsty fic, set after Foreign Affairs and based around the Christina Aguilera Song 'Walk Away'! (Ps. I dont claim to own anyone, anything or any song :P)


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*~ Walk Away ~* (All quotes are taken from "Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera)

She watched him, slumped on the gurney, his head was turned way from her, but she knew he was crying.

What should she do? Should she walk back in and argue, or for once in their relationship should she do what **he** wanted & walk away?

She slammed her keys down and banged her apartment door shut, and slumped onto the couch. He was there of course, his jacket, his scent…

"Walk away Carter" she had told him, and eventually he'd wanted to run as far away as possible. 

She felt terrible

She blamed herself

She wanted to forget…

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" Every step I take leads to one mistake keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from…"

That's how it happened, another slip... she knew where it was, she'd hidden it carefully. It was only a miniature, but it worked all the same, the bitter taste hitting the roof of her mouth, then scorching the back of her throat.

Her heart cried no…

Her body, her mind, craved more…

She needed more. It was simple.

If she didn't get more the pain would come back…

She ran out into the harsh night, rain droplets bombarded her thin shirt, but she didn't care. She didn't feel it.

Before she knew it, she'd drunk half the bottle… she felt a bit unsteady, but it felt brilliant.

Then she began to come back to earth, the bottle was drunk now, and she began to dwell, on the past, present & future.

The past was bad enough, the present… she'd lost the one thing she cared about, and the future looked uncertain at the least.

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" Seems I'll never wake from this nightmare, I let out a silent prayer… let it be over, over…"

Irrational behaviour didn't suit her, she was brought up to be cool, calm, collected. Maybe now it was time to break the chain.

Valium. Perfect for "stress". She laughed in spite of herself, she was a nurse, and was seriously considering suicide. She knows it's the worst way to go, but she deserved to suffer, she was a bad person, she wrecked people... she made them go wrong. Abby Lockhart, soul destroyer.

The pen seemed to flow over the paper, the words coming out as if it was fate driving her on.

She'd taken them now, the were travelling down her throat, one by one…

It had been an hour and two minutes to be exact. She was dripping with sweat, and steadily losing consciousness…

"Abby its Carter… I don't really know what to say, or how to make it better, I just cant leave it the way it is… anyway you're obviously not there, or ignoring me or whatever. So I'll go... alright, well bye." 

Hearing his voice, she slowly dialled 911.

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" It hurts my soul cause I can't let go, all these walls are caving in & I can't stop my suffering"

*********

"Right Gallant, what have we got?" Susan questioned tiredly.

"Urm. Doctor Lewis?! Its Abby." His eyes gazed anywhere but into hers

"Abby who? …" Realisation sunk in then, and panic swept through her body

"TRAUMA ONE! And someone call Carter!" 

*******

She was strangely aware that she was walking down the corridor to the admin desk, it was eerie though, there were no crazed patients or screaming children…

"Hey Abby… you'll never guess what… Chuny & Pratt have got this patient with a flute stuck, well, its amazing man!" Malik winked

"I hope Pratt has unknown musical talents!" she quipped, walking around the admin desk, dumping a pile of papers next to Susan.

"Abby! Up for a secret meeting of Tequila & dancing tonight?" Susan enquired

"Me, you, Chen & the party vibe!"

"I'll let you know…"

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"No pressure, No pulse." Malik stated quietly.

"Dammit. ABBY!! I am not losing you like this, not tonight! Where is Carter?!" Susan's uncharacteristic angry yell echoed round the hushed trauma room, all focus on the limp, lifeless body.

"Charging at 200… Clear!"

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"Now what to do my heart has been bruised, so sad but it's true each beat reminds me of you"

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She crashed through the doors of the rest room, landing with a "Humpf" on the couch.

"Hey, you..." Carter said taking her hand and pulling her towards him.

"Hey you, yourself" she said smiling.

They kissed, briefly and softly… hands clasped together.

"Wait for me, I'll be ten minutes!" 

Her hands slowly untangled from his, until only their fingertips were touching…

The door clicked softly behind her.

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" We both can seduce…but darling' you hold me prisoner"

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"Time of Death 23:07" 

Susan held her head in her hands, Malik's arm comfortingly around her.

"Dr. Lewis? She got something in her hand..." Gallant observed quietly.

Susan slowly peeled back her fingers, to reveal a small crumpled piece of paper…

"Dear John…"

That was when he crashed into the trauma room.

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He read every word, savouring the way every letter was formed… then he fell back, once more slumped on the same gurney he had been some hours before,

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Dear John,

If you read this, it means I've been really stupid… well I guess I am for losing you already, so not much can top that.

I have to do this, I can't go on destroying your life anymore, you deserve better than me. What can I give you? A life of misery, running round after my manic depressive mother & brother, the alcohol…

You said you'd never walk away from me, well I'm giving you the chance to run now… take it.

All my love, for now & forever,

Abby xxxxxx

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And everywhere I turn, I keep going right back to the one thing that I need to walk away from…


End file.
